3. the state of being reclaimed.
I'm not sure why this word has captured my attention so strongly just now. Reclamation. Perhaps it's because I DO feel as if I'm reclaiming my life, my heart, my soul, my body, my mind.... and even things like my apartment, my kitchen, my bathroom. I notice all the "My's" in the sentence above and the inner urge is to erase them. But, I won't. Mine. Each day as I wake up, there is this moment before the world starts, before the pup needs to be taken out, the cats cry to be fed, the phone rings .. where I lay in bed and think: "Today is Mine."
There is power in those words.
As a survivor we learn quickly that nothing, not even ourselves, can we claim. We certainly can't claim a home, or safety, or our bodies, or our minds.... that's all ripped away, or violated or claimed by an abuser or, or, or.....
To this day, 43 years old, I still cannot say: "My desire is...." Just typing half that sentence causes anxiety for me, my old familiar panic rushing up, heart racing, the urge to run washing over me. Run where? I've never known, but the urge is there nonetheless. So, there is much work still ahead for me, clearly. This path of healing is long, hard, exhausting and often terrifying. But today, just here, just now. I don't have to conquer THAT particular piece.
For today.. This Moment right here, I reclaim my right to a wonderful life. I reclaim my body, the whole of it, mine. I reclaim my mind, and heart and soul. I reclaim my kitchen, my bathroom, my living room... all mine.. no others.
This Moment... reclamation is my goal, and more than that, it is my present. Even if it means repeating to myself inwardly or outwardly, whispered or shouted.... This is MINE.. mine alone. Nobody and nothing can take that away.
May you have a blessed and beautiful day today, find something, anything to reclaim, and whisper.. or shout it from rooftops!
I'm not sure why this word has captured my attention so strongly just now. Reclamation. Perhaps it's because I DO feel as if I'm reclaiming my life, my heart, my soul, my body, my mind.... and even things like my apartment, my kitchen, my bathroom. I notice all the "My's" in the sentence above and the inner urge is to erase them. But, I won't. Mine. Each day as I wake up, there is this moment before the world starts, before the pup needs to be taken out, the cats cry to be fed, the phone rings .. where I lay in bed and think: "Today is Mine."
There is power in those words.
As a survivor we learn quickly that nothing, not even ourselves, can we claim. We certainly can't claim a home, or safety, or our bodies, or our minds.... that's all ripped away, or violated or claimed by an abuser or, or, or.....
To this day, 43 years old, I still cannot say: "My desire is...." Just typing half that sentence causes anxiety for me, my old familiar panic rushing up, heart racing, the urge to run washing over me. Run where? I've never known, but the urge is there nonetheless. So, there is much work still ahead for me, clearly. This path of healing is long, hard, exhausting and often terrifying. But today, just here, just now. I don't have to conquer THAT particular piece.
For today.. This Moment right here, I reclaim my right to a wonderful life. I reclaim my body, the whole of it, mine. I reclaim my mind, and heart and soul. I reclaim my kitchen, my bathroom, my living room... all mine.. no others.
This Moment... reclamation is my goal, and more than that, it is my present. Even if it means repeating to myself inwardly or outwardly, whispered or shouted.... This is MINE.. mine alone. Nobody and nothing can take that away.
May you have a blessed and beautiful day today, find something, anything to reclaim, and whisper.. or shout it from rooftops!
This:
ReplyDeleteThis Moment... reclamation is my goal, and more than that, it is my present. Even if it means repeating to myself inwardly or outwardly, whispered or shouted.... This is MINE.. mine alone. Nobody and nothing can take that away.
yes these are powerful words. Thank you for sharing them.